The Final Epistle of Curious George

April, Megan, Sydney, Caleb, and Kelsey on Purdue’s climbing wall.

The Final Epistle of Curious George to the Greenwoods  (9 August 2019)

I, Curious George, hero of all heroes, write unto the kids of The Greenwood Clan in Colorado Springs with great gratitude, yet heaviness of heart. I am grateful for the opportunity to have taught you with my most capable and humble of all teachings. Yet I sorrow to inform you that the time has come to allow your father to once again resume his meager blogging attempts (he keeps jabbering on and on about some important anniversary...). So dear children, I fear that this will be my final epistle to you for some time.

Me, Curious George, reading an epistle from a fellow E.W. (Epistle Writer) named Paul. Thanks April for letting me use your scriptures!

In today’s epistle I would like to give a little insight into the way I have successfully preserved your father over the past 43 years. It wasn’t easy, but I guess if it had been easy, I wouldn’t be the hero.

Wayne and Keith painting the house trim with Roger watching from a safe location.

I’ll start with how I saved your father from the tractor. Farm equipment is actually quite dangerous and needs to be respected. It seldom shows up on the news, but many more people die each year from farm equipment than from sharks. According to my research, in 2016 there were four shark-attack fatalities in the entire world. In that same year there were 417 agriculture-related fatalities in the United States alone.

As a young boy, your father did not really understand the dangers that farming posed and may not have always respected farm equipment as he should have. He remembers specifically the event shown in the above picture where Wayne and Keith are painting the trim of the house. Your dad thought it sounded like a lot of fun to get up on the tractor bucket or on the ladder and paint. Your dad begged to be allowed to help, but his parents didn’t think he was old enough to do that safely. So your dad watched from below, standing on top of an upside-down 5-gallon bucket on top of the tractor engine cowling. Probably still not as safe as a padded room, but I guess it’s okay to assume a reasonable amount of risk.

There are a couple side notes I’d like to make about this picture. You might notice the brownish coloring of the tractor tires. Despite what your dad thinks, that is not their original color. Unlike your dad, that tractor did not wear boots when working in the mud and in the manure. So it had a permanent covering of mud and manure that you could peel off in layers with your fingers. I usually recommended that they wait until the top layer was dry before doing that. It stinks less when dry.

You may also have heard rumors that an unnamed uncle named Keith painted a big white “Hi!” on the roof during this painting effort. I cannot confirm or deny those reports because I am a bit too short to see the roof. But if that story is true, I’m sure all pilots in the area appreciated the friendly greeting.

Eldon driving a tractor with Uncle Keith(?) in the foreground. Notice how clean the tires are!

In this second tractor picture you will notice that the tractor is pulling a trailer used for picking up and hauling bales of hay. I’m sure you know that tractors have a lot of power, but what you may not realize is that the trailer behind it also requires a lot of power to move the various pieces, pick up the bales, etc. The tractor has two things behind the driver to provide that power. The first are some hydraulic connections and the second is something called a power take-off (PTO). When engaged, the PTO spins at hundreds of revolutions per second and is strong enough to move whatever it is connected to. If you want to learn more about the PTO, you can watch what Tractor Mike has to say about it… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yvk51QbZCPE

Grandpa Greenwood driving a tractor with Uncle Brian in the foreground.

Bottom line is that the PTO is very dangerous and your dad was taught to be very careful around them. One winter day when your dad was young his brothers were out sledding with the tractor. At some point they were gathered around the back of the tractor and your Uncle Keith’s coat sleeve got caught in the PTO. There was definitely some divine intervention as his older brothers were able to grab him and pull him away. As it was, Uncle Keith spent about a month in the hospital with a terribly broken arm, but he was blessed to have made it out of that situation. We’ll have to ask Uncle Keith (or maybe Uncle Eldon, Brian, and Eugene) to give us some more details of that experience

Looking back, your dad realizes that he was not always as careful as he should have been with the PTO. He should not have been as ready to hitch a ride on the hitch (have you ever “hitched a ride on a hitch”?) sticking out behind the tractor (right below the PTO). I’m sure the PTO was usually disengaged, but I’m sure it wasn’t super safe anyway. It was also probably not a good idea to ride in the bouncing bucket of the tractor as it was being driven down the washboard dirt roads. It may not have been safe to climb around on the roof of the house or jump off the garage roof. And it may not have been smart to go swimming in the pond when he didn’t really know how to swim. 

Picking noses is dangerous Sydney- your finger can get stuck up there...

Your dad did other things that seemed kind of dangerous, like pulling a burning rubber tire along the ditch bank with a long wire to burn weeds on the side of the road (that was a legitimate farm chore!).. But your dad now realizes that it was probably much more dangerous hanging around the granary (Caleb- can you find out why it’s not spelled grainery?) as it was being filled with grain. Turns out that fine grain dust suspended in the oxygen-filled air is the perfect formula for rapid combustion (also known as an explosion). I’m sure there were times when all it needed was a little spark to “make an explosion” (Kelsey- what song did I just quote?). I do remember one time someone who was delivering grain walked a distance away before lighting up his cigarette. It was probably good he put some distance between the lighted cigarette and the grain...

I think I’ve finally convinced your dad that he’s blessed to have come through his many experiences relatively unscathed. Someday when he is able to see his life more completely, I’m sure he’ll realize that he was protected even more than he now realizes.

Remember kids, try to “stay positive” without my weekly insights...

Well kids, I bid you adieu (cool way to say good-bye). I, like Paul, “have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.” Keep up the good work and remember to be safe. Make sure you stay a safe distance if you come across a PTO while babysitting, at Liberty Heights, or at school (I’ve heard school PTOs can be very dangerous…). But also remember you have someone watching out for you.

NEVER FEAR, I WAS HERE!
Curious George, E.W. (Epistle Writer)

PS. Your dad sends his love. Oh, and give him some slack next week when he resumes his awkward blogging…

PPS. I guess Mr. Stuffins is kind of okay, and he looks a bit lonely. Maybe you can let him out of Caleb’s room now...

Mr. Stuffins looking lonely...